What do we do when life becomes too much? Seeking help for mental problems still carries a stigma, but the sooner we do it, the better the outcomes.
When Dr Dorothy (Dots) Ndletyana drove through a gate marked “Psychiatric Clinic,” she was one of the most academically accomplished people on the planet. She had grown up in Ennerdale, south of Johannesburg, worked her way to a master’s degree at Wits University, and then earned her doctorate at Columbia University in New York, placing her among less than 2% of the global population to hold a PhD.
But as she celebrated that achievement, her world collapsed around her. Her brother died by suicide. Her father relapsed into alcoholism and died within months. Her mother was diagnosed with dementia and passed away within a year. “As the young people say,” she recalls, “I wanted to un-alive myself.” It was her sister who heard the quiet goodbye hidden in what seemed like an ordinary conversation and three hours later, they were pulling through those gates.
Psychiatrist Dr Willem Landman is not surprised. All significant change is stressful, he explains, and international research has found an increased incidence of schizophrenia and psychosis among people who have undergone intense upheaval. The journey that Dots made from a township upbringing to a global professional career within a generation is precisely the kind of seismic shift that can trigger what he calls “adjustment disorder.” It is distinct from depression or anxiety, though it can present alongside them, and well-meaning friends who urge someone to “pull themselves together” can make it significantly worse.
Three weeks as an in-patient changed everything for Dots. The medical aid covered the stay, and she describes it as “a gift.” In that holding space, stripped of the pressures she had been absorbing for years, she rediscovered something she had lost sight of entirely: “I discovered that, actually, I love being alive. I want to be alive.” The experience gave her a framework she could act on: medication, talk therapy, exercise, and a clear understanding of what had to change. Back at work, that clarity had consequences.
Her boss grew frustrated with her new habit of saying no. She did not stop. She set boundaries, renegotiated her role, and eventually resigned, rebuilt her life around teaching, and reordered her priorities on her own terms. Her message now is unambiguous: “I meet too many people who will not take the support that is available because of a stigma, that it’s a sign of weakness. I am anything but weak. I take these meds just like I took the meds and had the operation when I broke my ankle.”
Psychiatric illness is a medical condition like any other. As with any illness, the longer you wait before you access the right treatment, the worse it will get. He also pushes back hard against employers who use psychiatric illness as grounds for retrenchment: it is no more a reason to dismiss someone than a diagnosis of diabetes or a broken ankle.
Dots is careful not to wrap her story in a tidy bow. “I don’t want the listeners to think ‘okay, she’s figured it all out,'” she says. “I have to see my psychologist regularly, I have to exercise, I have to eat well, I have to sleep and rest. Despite doing all of that, it still gets too much sometimes, but I have never reached the depths I was at before where ending it looked like the only option.”
Change is stressful. It can make you sick. But there is help out there. You only need to reach out.
If you need help, you could contact one of the following: The South African Depression and Anxiety Group http://www.sadag.org | 0800 70 80 90 Lifeline South Africa lifelinesa.co.za | 0800 012 322 (also available as a WhatsApp chat line)
Article by: Ruda Landman
