Asking for more at work is rarely an easy task. And for women, who often face unique challenges around voice and tone, entering a negotiation process can be nerve-wracking and scary, sometimes preventing us from asking for the pay we deserve. Many professionals accept job offers that meet their initial expectations without exploring whether additional value can be negotiated.
However, career experts emphasise that salary and benefits negotiations should remain part of the conversation, even when an offer appears fair. Seeking guidance from mentors and experienced industry leaders can help professionals recognise their market value and approach negotiations with greater confidence, ultimately leading to stronger long-term career and earning outcomes.
When you teach someone how to value you, you are teaching them how to value all of us. So, if you’re not going to go in there and do it for yourself, I want you to do it for the woman who’s coming after you. Do it for the sisterhood.
Negotiate from your aspiration value
Too often, leaders go into a negotiation thinking about the minimum number they are going to accept, or their “walk-away number.” But leaders should go into the conversation thinking about their “biggest, baddest number,” and they should negotiate from a salary range that includes it.
“What’s the number that would make you thrilled to show up and give 110% of your best?” Once you decide on that number, justify it by communicating your value and asking open-ended questions.
In difficult negotiation situations, experts advise avoiding questions that allow for a simple “no” response. Instead of making direct requests such as asking for a specific salary increase, the approach is to frame conversations in a way that encourages the other party to explain the reasoning behind decisions, expectations, and constraints.
One effective technique is to begin requests with “tell me,” which shifts the dynamic from confrontation to information-gathering. For example, asking “tell me more about the scope of the role,” “tell me about the KPIs,” or “tell me what defines success for your top-performing hires” prompts deeper insight into how value is assessed within the organisation.
This approach is designed to surface context that might not otherwise be shared, allowing candidates or professionals to better align their positioning and negotiation strategy. Rather than limiting the conversation, it opens it up, creating space for more informed and strategic discussions about compensation, expectations, and role fit.
Eliminate “I” statements
Using “I” in the negotiating process can easily make you sound insecure and junior, rather than like a leader who knows the larger impact of their value. We also run a risk, if we’re facing some male fragility on the other side, that too much ‘I’ is going to get Bob a little upset. So we have to show that this works for Bob, too. There’s a formula called the ‘I – We’ that is very effective for people of any gender to negotiate.
The way it works is that instead of communicating how a pay bump or promotion will only benefit you, you have to explain how it will also benefit the company and those around you. For example, you can say, “Here’s what I’m proposing and here’s how we all benefit.” Or, “When we have an M.D. in this department, Bob, we’re going to be able to advocate for everything we need to the executive committee, and I’m your woman.”
Understand the impact of your voice
The inflection, tone, and rate of your voice all impact how a question, comment, or request is received during negotiation. Unfortunately for women, power and authority have long been associated with the way that men’s voices sound. Speech patterns like upspeak and vocal fry garner more scrutiny because they’re associated with women. The workplace undoubtedly needs to embrace a fuller variety of sounds, but in the meantime, a few small tweaks can make a big impact for women at the bargaining table.
For example, it’s important to end sentences with a downward inflection. An upward inflection often makes a sentence sound like a question instead of a declarative statement, which gives people an opportunity to challenge you.
Similar to inflection, tone can also dictate how well a negotiation goes. A warm tone can be calming and disarming, while a playful tone is one that keeps the mood light, and a commanding tone is one that is definitive. When it comes to negotiating, opening up with a warm, inviting tone is nice, but it is not always the tone that should be kept throughout the conversation.
Research shows that, especially for [women], if our tone is warm throughout, then people may be inclined to offer us less or use more deception. That’s why, when it’s time for the conversation to switch to money, it’s often helpful to implement a more commanding tone to let the other person know you are serious.
In addition to inflection and tone, the rate at which you speak also dictates how someone receives what you’re saying. Speaking too fast, they say, increases tension, indicates nerves, and makes it hard for those listening to keep up. On the other hand, talking too slowly can come off as condescending and cause your audience to lose interest.
To strike a healthy balance, it’s best to have varying rates throughout your conversation, slowing down only on the important points that you want to emphasize. While asking for more can be intimidating, always counter their first offer, even if they think it’s a good one.
By negotiating, we normalise what it means for a woman to go out and boldly claim her worth. And when we do that, we make it easier for those who are coming after us.
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