The cliché “age is just a number” couldn’t be further from the truth. Society often carries a negative stigma around relationships with significant age gaps, which can discourage people from dating someone from a different generation and reinforce judgmental views of those who do.
Most couples, on average, are born within three years of each other—likely because many meet in school, through mutual friends, or via dating apps. Today, dating apps are among the most common ways to connect, and their branding, culture, and algorithms tend to match people with others in a similar age range, reinforcing the pattern.
As a sex therapist and someone who is in a marriage with a partner who is 18 years my senior, I want to professionally and personally state that age is not just a number. We don’t always fall in love with someone of the same age. And if you do fall in love with someone with a large age difference, do not ignore or diminish the impact of age!
Every relationship has challenges, but dating someone of a different generation brings its own complications. Our age is a generalized representation of what we have experienced and learned in life, our maturity level, and how many mistakes we have made along the way (because we all make them).
A founding step in any relationship is acknowledging the differences. People are often scared to highlight where their relationship challenges are, or where they have a different mindset than their partner. It’s okay to have differences. What creates a successful relationship is respect, friendship, love, and pleasurable sex.
Lifestyle Challenges
It’s time to highlight some of the challenges people experience when dating someone born in a different generation. First to be considered: lifestyle. Your lifestyle is based on your interests, energy level, and the people you surround yourself with. When dating someone of a different age, you may find your desired lifestyle tends to differ. Highlights of this difference can be found in music, movies, or cultural references. You may not always be interested in the same music or understand one another’s references. The key here is respect and communication, so you can create a balance for both.
Sex Life
The second major challenge can be your sex life. Do not be confused here and assume the older partner wants less sex. Age does not directly imply a decreased libido. Mixed libidos are a challenge in every long-term relationship. Adding an age gap may enhance challenges with sex drives, type of sex, hormone levels, and sexual challenges. Keep in mind that men typically reach their sexual prime in their 20s due to a spike in their testosterone levels. Women typically reach their sexual prime in their 30s and 40s.
Patience for One Another
Lastly, a relationship with an age difference will not last without respecting the founding principle of patience. Dating someone who is in a different life phase means you may be seeing things for the first time, while your partner has been there before. Have patience with one another. Respect that while you may have done something in the past, your partner may be having this wonderful experience for the first time. Embrace this.
Likewise, understand how to make your experience unique, even if it is not the first instance. This may not be the first time you have experienced a life event like the birth of a child or the purchase of a new home, but it is the first time you have done it together. Don’t be disjointed if your partner has been here before, and likewise, don’t be dismissive if this is your partner’s first time. Be a partner by showing patience, love, and excitement for all the things you do together.
A relationship of differing ages can be in every way as rewarding as a relationship with someone your own age. This type of relationship may have its own unique set of challenges, but then again, every relationship does. Love won’t discriminate when it comes to age.
