When a Man Friend Zones You

You’re a woman who fancies a man. You matched on some dating app and made plans to go on a date and things went well, or at least well enough for you to want to see him again. Great!

You both talk via text, or maybe phone calls, just about every day. Things are progressing, you think. And when the topic of dating comes up, or even when your next date together is, he dumps the following on you: Um, yeah, I’m not really dating right now; I’m just not in a good head space to be seeing anyone. You know? Life’s been crazy these last few months, and I just don’t have the focus or energy for anyone.

Friends, that’s code for: I don’t want to date YOU. 

Or, as some would say, you’ve been Friend Zoned. While I’m not keen on the idea of the friend zone, the fact is that there’s a place where we put the people in our lives, whether we know it or not.

Wait! That seems a bit harsh, doesn’t it? Sure it does, and it sucks, especially when you’re hung up on someone. A lot of men (#notallmen) do this thing where they either tell you, after a first date, they want to go out with you again when they have no intention of doing so. And some men pull the whole I don’t feel like dating anyone right now. The men who pull that kind of shit are weak; they’re afraid of confrontation and afraid of hurting someone’s feelings or just afraid to be responsible and own their emotions and actions.

If a guy is into you, he’ll show you. His actions will tell the story, and it will let you in on his intentions. It’s that easy. Of course, there’s a lot of nuance in budding relationships, and I get that completely. Just don’t tolerate weakness, mistaking it for sensitivity. You’ll be chasing ghosts and shadows the entire time while taking a hit to your self-esteem. That’s not good for you.

What should you do then?

Don’t be afraid to confront a guy and state what you want. Tell McDude what you want for yourself, tell him how you feel. If you feel like you’re being strung along, say so! If you’re not interested in being just friends, then tell the man! Give him an opportunity to be real with you. Granted, a grown ass man should be able to speak his mind, and it’s not your job to help him be an adult. So proceed with your tolerance of bullshit in mind.

You don’t have to keep chasing these kinds of men and you shouldn’t! I’m all for making friends; it’s harder to do as an adult! However, keep in mind who you let in your circles. If the guy opens up and says he’s not interested in you in that way, well, that sucks, but he was honest (which deserves no pats on the back mind you) and you can decide what happens from there.

Don’t accept bullshit and date on. Next!